Rant Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...)

ChefBeckyD · 10-26-2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean DeVries

If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

LOL Jean! you just made my day with one sentence!

janetupnorth · 10-26-2009, 02:27 PM

Jean REALLY should have been a stand-up comedian!

wadesgirl · 10-26-2009, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean DeVries

If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

I died laughing when I read this! So much that I had to share it with my coworker.

ChefBeckyD · 10-26-2009, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethanyN

I didn't grow up "believing" in Santa, per se (we went and sat on the lap of a man in a Santa costume at the mall, but knew that our parents gave us our Christmas presents), but even as someone who never had the tragic "Santa isn't real?" moment, I have to say - your mother in law was TOTALLY out of line for messing with your family's Christmas traditions! I would be absolutely livid!

My one piece of advice (that I've learned the hard way) would be this - leave it to your husband to discuss it with his mom. Since he's known her since birth and was raised by her, he's got a better sense of the family dynamic with her and can address the problem without turning it into a gigantic feud. My mother-in-law and I don't get along at all, and she's done some pretty rotten things, but every time I've tried to be the one to address an issue with her (even though I was definitely right and she was definitely wrong), it's just made the situation even worse. Talk to your husband, decide together what should be done/said, and then make sure that he's the one to say it. If you tell her how you feel, she will most likely write you off or think you're being ridiculous. If her own flesh and blood tells her, she might be more inclined to listen. JMHO.

Bethany - I think you're right...it will be MUCH better coming from my DH, since he is their first-born, and still can do no wrong in their eyes. (and he does know how to handle them better!

)

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrishPCMommy

I'm not sure I would've been able to bite my tongue! Congrats to you when your MIL said it again in front of you! We believe in Santa as well as celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime. We still have stockings for everyone, including our dogs. If we weren't in Wichita, I'm sure my mom would have a stocking for each of us too; we don't always get a chance to go visit and everyone else in our family is in FL (their stockings will all be hanging--knowing her, she'll wrap an "empty box" and write TO: WICHITA, FROM: SANTA on it for her other grandkids to see). Before we moved from FL, she made a stocking for all of us, including husbands and children and everyone's pet!
My in-laws didn't celebrate much either, but my hubby is learning (STILL, after 8 years of marriage!) how to make/fill a stocking and I addressed "Santa" with my inlaws while I was still dating my now hubby. It came up our first Christmas with his nephews and my response surprised them when I told his nephews that I believed in Santa and the magic he brings. Santa fills the air with magic, Jesus fills the air with blessings, and during the holidays, we need both!
My baby sister married a man who was born and raised in Holland and they actually celebrate St. Nicholas Day with gifts and everything! Then, on December 24-25th, they celebrate Christmas.
I hope all smoothes over with your MIL understanding where you stand and maybe you talking to them with DH will let her know that she needs to respect how you raise Micah.

I love that quote! I think I'll use it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pampcheflisa

Becky, I am so, so sorry you have to deal with that!!
I can totally sympathize with you. I don't really have any advice, but I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. My in-laws are similar, and it is so difficult to shield your children from family members.
I also understand the passive-agressiveness, and also not being able to address it with them. Sigh. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!

Thanks for knowing where I'm coming from, Lisa!

ChefBeckyD · 10-26-2009, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janetupnorth

Becky -

Let me just share my devotional today that I wrote for myself since I’m finding that today I am in danger of many people robbing my JOY for the week. There are so many things around illness, stress, life circumstances, things that seem to be bothering everyone today that I am finding I have to FIGHT for my joy and to be pleasant.

Joy is often described as Jesus first, others second, yourself last. Isn’t it hard to put others second when they are the thieves of your joy? Don’t we often want to put the “me” ahead?

We need to press on toward Christ and what HE has for us:

Philippians 3:12 -21
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Join with others in following my example, brothers (in this case sisters), and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

I'm sure you'll find a way to apply that and keep the joy in your family and with your celebrations. Don't let you MIL steal your joy or your JOY (being able to put Christ and others first).

Love you!

Exactly what I've been dealing with yesterday and today...and getting to the place of extending forgiveness and grace...

Thanks, Janet - love you too!

chefann · 10-26-2009, 01:45 PM

Jean's idea made me actually LOL.

pjpamchef · 10-26-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chefheidi2003

Becky..I would be mad as well..I do not have any kids however..I am the youngest of 5 kids..and when we were little..I know that when one of my siblings would discover that Santa was not real..my parents made sure that they knew that they could not tell us younger kids..because they wanted us to believe as long as we wanted to.

I have a 9 and 11 year old, and I have always told them, as long as you believe, Santa will visit you. We have never discussed anything further. Although, we have discussed how every religious holiday that we celebrate seems to have customs and traditions along with it, and Santa falls into that category. Sorry, but I think there is something seriously wrong with an adult who tells a child something like that. I remember being asked by my nieces and nephews and my answer was always, "what do you think?" and skirted the issue. No way was I going to be the one to burst their bubble!!!!

Jean DeVries · 10-26-2009, 03:33 PM

Becky,

In the past few hours, I have been hit with an overwhelming urge to "export documents", so I will not be venturing past my house tonight.

I'll PM you the order info, along with cc#'s etc. Provided I'm not passed out somewhere.

Jean

ChefBeckyD · 10-26-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean DeVries

Becky,

In the past few hours, I have been hit with an overwhelming urge to "export documents", so I will not be venturing past my house tonight.

I'll PM you the order info, along with cc#'s etc. Provided I'm not passed out somewhere.

Jean

Ugh, Jean! Hope there aren't too many documents to export, and that the hardware is able to handle the doc. size.

Feel better soon!

AnnieBee · 10-26-2009, 04:06 PM

Hey Becky,

well it's late in the day, and it seems that both you and Micah are handling the situation well, and you've had tons of good advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It stinks to have unecessary conflict and opinions spoiling your relationship with your in-laws, and potentially Micah's with them too (although I applaud you for protecting that relationship, and truly hope that future issues won't hurt it).

I don't have the same issues as you, but let's just say that my parents' opinions and interference have damaged their relationship with my sisters and BILs, and a little with me and Jon (although I think I've been able to let it roll off my back more than my sisters). But it hurts, and breaks my heart knowing that what they've done has caused such strain, and I don't think they really know it...

Anyway, I just wanted to say, hang in there, and here's a HUG from me. I do hope that your DH will be able to have a positive talk with them, and that somehow they will have insight into your perspective and POV, and respect that. It is so sad to be trapped in such a "religious" view of Christianity, that is so far from the truth, love, grace and joy that we are meant to experience as Christians.

Love ya,

Annabel

cheflorraine · 10-26-2009, 04:28 PM

Obviously I'm way in the minority here, but if you want a semi-decent relationship with your in-laws, forgiveness will get you a lot further than anger and resentment.

I realize this is very important to you, but the sooner you can let it go, the better off you'll be.

I guess I've realized over the years that holding on to anger eats us up inside, and letting that anger out on someone else doesn't usually make a situation any better...

Just my thoughts on this!

WLMcCoy · 10-26-2009, 05:33 PM

This infuriated me just reading it. I can only imagine how you feel. God bless you for keeping your mouth shut, b/c I don't think I could have.
I think you covered it well w/ your son.

raebates · 10-26-2009, 07:04 PM

It just occurred to me that The Autobiography of Santa Claus might help you out in another way with Micah. When they get to the part where Santa joins the pilgrims on their trek to America, they talk about the fact that the Puritans outlawed Christmas. They talk about the fact that it's fine for them to want to worship God in their own way, but it's wrong of them to force everyone else to do exactly the same.

Teresa Lynn · 10-26-2009, 08:26 PM

Go to a thrift store or garage sales (alone) find something made of old worn red velvet (or something with ratty white fake fur) take it home and rip it into a small piece. Christmas morning hook it on the inside of the fireplace or the screen.
It will look like santa ripped his britches believe me this works our MS was told the same thing by a classmate in 1st grade he is 19 and still believes.

AJPratt · 10-26-2009, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChefBeckyD

I guess that's why I vent on here, because I can't vent to her....but in all of this, I know my Mom would choose kindness and forgiveness. She is also one of the most forgiving people I've ever known. People (even still today, in the nursing home!) have always been drawn to her because she makes them feel so loved.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we could never fill your Mom's shoes, but we are happy to try and help. You will get pas this, but you need to greive for what your child has lost. And, I love Teresa's idea.

I like telling you child that GM isn't real. Or you can say that youhaven't seen GM's real hair color in years, but you know its still there. I know, I'm being catty. Just trying to relate to things you don't see, but you know they exist. (like a million dollars)

dianevill · 10-26-2009, 10:22 PM

Becky, just wanted to let you know that I, too, feel your pain. Last October, I came home from a show and Michael, then six, came up to me and said, "I know Santa's not real." I said, "How do you know that?" The answer? "DADDY TOLD ME!" They were watching a show about the tooth fairy, and Michael asked if she was real, and his dad said, "No, and Santa's not real either." WTF????

He decided that he didn't want to lie to our kids, even though WE decided earlier on that we would play it out and when the kids asked, we would tell them the truth (gently, of course, and still play up the magic, etc.).

Thankfully, Michael wanted to believe, and actually forgot the incident. He doesn't believe in the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, but Santa still ranks high on his list of favorite friends.

pampcheflisa · 10-27-2009, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheflorraine

Obviously I'm way in the minority here, but if you want a semi-decent relationship with your in-laws, forgiveness will get you a lot further than anger and resentment.

I realize this is very important to you, but the sooner you can let it go, the better off you'll be.

I guess I've realized over the years that holding on to anger eats us up inside, and letting that anger out on someone else doesn't usually make a situation any better...

Just my thoughts on this!

Tone is so hard to convey through the computer, but I am not trying to be catty here at all.
If you know Becky's posts on here, then you know what a wonderful person she is and has very high moral values and seems to be a completely forgiving person.
It is our human nature that when we get upset about something, that we need a way to let it out. She cannot discuss it with her in laws, and sometimes you don't want to vent about something to people who are close to the situation. Which is why she has us here, she can get it out, get some moral support and then let it go. It's the nature of being a human, we are not perfect.
For me personally, just knowing that someone else experiences similar feelings to me really helps me get past my emotions at the time, so I can get to a place where forgiveness is an option!!!

ChefBeckyD · 10-27-2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pampcheflisa

Tone is so hard to convey through the computer, but I am not trying to be catty here at all.
If you know Becky's posts on here, then you know what a wonderful person she is and has very high moral values and seems to be a completely forgiving person.
It is our human nature that when we get upset about something, that we need a way to let it out. She cannot discuss it with her in laws, and sometimes you don't want to vent about something to people who are close to the situation. Which is why she has us here, she can get it out, get some moral support and then let it go. It's the nature of being a human, we are not perfect.
For me personally, just knowing that someone else experiences similar feelings to me really helps me get past my emotions at the time, so I can get to a place where forgiveness is an option!!!

Thanks, Lisa! (completely forgiving...hmmm, lets just say I seem to have been given lots of opportunities to learn forgiveness!)

You're right...in fact, I think I even said in several posts that what I wanted was to get to a place of forgiveness and grace in this situation.

I rarely feel the need to vent - this one was just hard for me. I'm doing much better now, and I really appreciate all of the support, friendship, and encouragement from all of my CS friends!

pjpamchef · 10-27-2009, 05:04 PM

Sometimes just the act of venting is all that is needed. And what a blessing that we have all found a fairly harmless place to do it here!!!

AJPratt · 10-27-2009, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pjpamchef

sometimes just the act of venting is all that is needed. And what a blessing that we have all found a fairly harmless place to do it here!!!

you are so right!!!

10-26-2009, 02:27 PM	#42
janetupnorth Location: Northern WI Posts: 15,514 Best Show: 754.59 Experience: 2 # of Shows: 57 My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Jean REALLY should have been a stand-up comedian!

10-26-2009, 01:45 PM	#46
chefann Location: praying for Paige (in MI) Posts: 22,454 Best Show: 1300 Experience: 8 # of Shows: 272	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Jean's idea made me actually LOL.

10-26-2009, 03:33 PM	#48
Jean DeVries Location: Wyoming, MI Posts: 424 Best Show: 900 Experience: 3 # of Shows: My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Becky, In the past few hours, I have been hit with an overwhelming urge to "export documents", so I will not be venturing past my house tonight. I'll PM you the order info, along with cc#'s etc. Provided I'm not passed out somewhere. Jean

10-26-2009, 04:06 PM	#50
AnnieBee Location: Medina, OH Posts: 1,337 Best Show: $701 Experience: <1 # of Shows: 14 My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Hey Becky, well it's late in the day, and it seems that both you and Micah are handling the situation well, and you've had tons of good advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It stinks to have unecessary conflict and opinions spoiling your relationship with your in-laws, and potentially Micah's with them too (although I applaud you for protecting that relationship, and truly hope that future issues won't hurt it). I don't have the same issues as you, but let's just say that my parents' opinions and interference have damaged their relationship with my sisters and BILs, and a little with me and Jon (although I think I've been able to let it roll off my back more than my sisters). But it hurts, and breaks my heart knowing that what they've done has caused such strain, and I don't think they really know it... Anyway, I just wanted to say, hang in there, and here's a HUG from me. I do hope that your DH will be able to have a positive talk with them, and that somehow they will have insight into your perspective and POV, and respect that. It is so sad to be trapped in such a "religious" view of Christianity, that is so far from the truth, love, grace and joy that we are meant to experience as Christians. Love ya, Annabel

10-26-2009, 04:28 PM	#51
cheflorraine Location: Edmonton, Alberta Posts: 96 Best Show: 1363 Experience: 6m # of Shows: 11	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Obviously I'm way in the minority here, but if you want a semi-decent relationship with your in-laws, forgiveness will get you a lot further than anger and resentment. I realize this is very important to you, but the sooner you can let it go, the better off you'll be. I guess I've realized over the years that holding on to anger eats us up inside, and letting that anger out on someone else doesn't usually make a situation any better... Just my thoughts on this!

10-26-2009, 05:33 PM	#52
WLMcCoy Posts: 677 Best Show: 1047 Experience: >1 # of Shows: -- My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) This infuriated me just reading it. I can only imagine how you feel. God bless you for keeping your mouth shut, b/c I don't think I could have. I think you covered it well w/ your son.

10-26-2009, 07:04 PM	#53
raebates Location: Denver, IN Posts: 14,223 Best Show: $1,779 Experience: 5 # of Shows: 350 My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) It just occurred to me that The Autobiography of Santa Claus might help you out in another way with Micah. When they get to the part where Santa joins the pilgrims on their trek to America, they talk about the fact that the Puritans outlawed Christmas. They talk about the fact that it's fine for them to want to worship God in their own way, but it's wrong of them to force everyone else to do exactly the same.

10-26-2009, 08:26 PM	#54
Teresa Lynn Location: Terrell Texas Posts: 2,939 Best Show: $2,424 Experience: 14 # of Shows:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Go to a thrift store or garage sales (alone) find something made of old worn red velvet (or something with ratty white fake fur) take it home and rip it into a small piece. Christmas morning hook it on the inside of the fireplace or the screen. It will look like santa ripped his britches believe me this works our MS was told the same thing by a classmate in 1st grade he is 19 and still believes.

10-26-2009, 10:22 PM	#56
dianevill Location: WI Posts: 2,534 Best Show: 2138 Experience: 8 # of Shows: 347 My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Becky, just wanted to let you know that I, too, feel your pain. Last October, I came home from a show and Michael, then six, came up to me and said, "I know Santa's not real." I said, "How do you know that?" The answer? "DADDY TOLD ME!" They were watching a show about the tooth fairy, and Michael asked if she was real, and his dad said, "No, and Santa's not real either." WTF???? He decided that he didn't want to lie to our kids, even though WE decided earlier on that we would play it out and when the kids asked, we would tell them the truth (gently, of course, and still play up the magic, etc.). Thankfully, Michael wanted to believe, and actually forgot the incident. He doesn't believe in the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, but Santa still ranks high on his list of favorite friends.

10-27-2009, 05:04 PM	#59
pjpamchef Location: Sunflower State Posts: 327 Best Show: 1,964 Experience: 12 # of Shows: My Mood:	Re: Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...) Sometimes just the act of venting is all that is needed. And what a blessing that we have all found a fairly harmless place to do it here!!!

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