Rant Ticked Off (In-Law Rant...)

ChefBeckyD

I need to vent...and then maybe I'll feel better. I don't know.

I usually get along well with my In-Laws - but I feel like they've taken liberties that weren't theirs to take this past week.

My son came home from spending the weekend at their house last week, and said "Mom, Grandma told me that Santa isn't real"....

Now - regardless of your feelings about Santa (I really DO NOT want this to become a thread about believing in Santa vs. not believing - Santa at our house is a fun, imaginative part of Christmas, and I really don't want to get into that debate) I feel like my MIL had NO right to have that discussion with my 5 year old, and I really didn't appreciate that she took it into her own hands to do that.

We do a lot to make sure that DS knows the true meaning of Christmas, and he does know. But we also love the imagination and wonder of him being a child at Christmas, and do all that we can to make it a very special family time, full of traditions and fun. I feel like we do a great job of integrating all of the Spirituality of the season with some more secular traditions.

My DH grew up in a home where there weren't any fun traditions with Christmas. They didn't have stockings, they didn't decorate a tree, etc....and there definitely was no Santa! I've always felt bad for him to have missed out on all of the fun and excitement I remember as a child, and together we agreed that we wanted to provide that fun and excitement for our son.

Now, I feel like Grandma has taken a piece of our fun, and ruined it. It wasn't her place or her right to take that from us, and tonight, we were over there, and DS brought it up, and she reiterated that it wasn't real.

I have told him that Grandma is older, and doesn't have children at home, so she's forgotten about believing in Santa - but that in our house, we can still believe. I bit my tongue tonight, because I don't want to cause a scene with the In-Laws...but I'm a bit angry about it.


Okay - so now maybe I can let it go. Maybe....

kdangel518

Becky I would definitely address it with her. Because now it's Santa, but what will it be next time? What rug will she pull from beneath his feet that will crush him?

I would be infuriated and would not be able to let that go until she understood that it was not her place to address that with my child and never again was she to take such liberties.

I am so sorry, I can only imagine how you must feel...

pcchefjane

I completely agree with you both! My DD believed in Santa until she was 10 and we never stopped (and still do) fill up stockings for the whole family! Course for us adults it is practical stuff (deodorant, pens, post-its, etc.) plus a cute animal for the top! My parents always filled stockings with us and my Mom's last Christmas before we lost her in April of the next year, she had a stocking even though she didn't get out of the hospital until the day after Christmas! Shame on your MIL! Let your DH address it with you to her. It is so wrong for her to ruin Christmas for your DS! Sorry but if she was never allowed Santa, that is no reason to ruin her grandson's Christmas!

The_Kitchen_Guy

WHAT?!? Santa isn't REAL?

Then, who's been putting that lump of coal in my stocking every year?




BTW, a lump of coal in a stocking for your MIL seems appropriate somehow.

AJPratt

Wow. I am speechless. (I know, take a picture!) I would be absolutely FUMING mad. I don't even know where to beging. What does DH say? I say, his family, he needs to address it.

FWIW, something about Santa Claus came up in my church a few years ago. Before it became a heated debate, my minister addressed it during his sermon. He said something like, "Of course Christmas is a religious holiday and we all celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and as Christians we are proud to share Jesus's message. But, I also ask you, as Christians, to respect our American traditions like Santa Claus. "

And, its sad that you MIL doesn't know that the spirit of Santa Claus is very much alive and real. You should tell your kids that Grandmom is just mad at Santa because he left coal in her stocking last year. OMG. HOW do you get past this?

pamperedlinda

Oh my!!! I'd be P.O. big time.

chefheidi2003

Becky..I would be mad as well..I do not have any kids however..I am the youngest of 5 kids..and when we were little..I know that when one of my siblings would discover that Santa was not real..my parents made sure that they knew that they could not tell us younger kids..because they wanted us to believe as long as we wanted to.

Sheila

Oh, I'd be pretty mad!!! It is NOT her place to ruin that fun. YOU are the parent. Only the people present for the conception get a vote in how to raise the child!

pampered.chris

You have every right to be mad and even MORE of a right to FLIP OUT on your in-laws. They have ruined a "fun tradition" in your household. It is not their right to instill their beliefs on your family. They need to respect your beliefs and "traditions" despite what they feel about the situation. Total lack of respect for you and your family by doing what they did.

I personally would NOT let this go. It needs to be addressed or it will happen again and again and again.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

chefann

That was completely uncalled for on the part of your MIL. Even if she doesn't believe in Santa, she should recognize that there are people who do, and even more people who have a middle-ground view that Santa is a way to celebrate generosity, selflessness and whimsy during the holiday season. She had no right to take that away from your family.

I think you need to have a talk with your in-laws. And take DH - don't try to do it by yourself. He may be able to serve as a "translator" if his parents don't completely understand why you choose to indulge in such activities.

Lisa/ChefBear

Well I would be majorally PO'd and I would not allow my son to go to IL's if they don't respect what you and your husband have set as "traditions" in your home. YOU are the parents, sounds like she had her chance and screwed it up with Christmas at least. WOW, I can't imagine if my grandma would have told me that, would have blown me away, especially at 5!! My mom would have hit the roof and I would NOT have gone to grandma's without my parents for a LONG time!!

Do you have the Polar Express??? I LOVE that movie and how it shows that some adults can't hear the bell?? They've lost the ability to be a child and believe.......I'm paraphrasing of course, I just love that. I told my oldest dd who last year was on the fence, she had classmate telling her Santa was not real.....well after watching Polar Express, she said "How sad, that XX can't hear the bell" Maybe get some bells and hang them around the house, and when Grandma comes, kids can ring them, lol. You'll all know what it means and she'll have NO CLUE!!! I'm evil, can you tell??

Lisa

raebates

Oh, Becky! I would also be very upset. I would sit down with her and my husband to talk about boundaries. It is completely inappropriate for her to disrespect your parenting choices this way. Except for cases of child endangerment, a parent's choices should always be supported.

The talk probably needs to happen when you're not still upset, but it clearly needs to take place.

How's Micah doing now?

BethCooks4U

I agree that it was totally out of line. Shame on her.

For us the focus of Christmas is the birth story and church but we very much celebrate the fun of Santa too. I never stopped enjoying believing and my kids know that it is part of the season. DH is in on the fun and is as big a kid as anyone (he too had a much less fun interpretation as a kid) in fact when I tried to stop some things like St Nick stockings or Easter Bunny baskets HE was disappointed and said we still should do them even though now they are all over 20. lol

When my oldest was in first grade someone told him. My response was that it's sad for that person that they lost the magic. I reminded him how much fun it was and told him with a wink that I believe and that he could still believe. I told him that he now was in on a grown up secret and he could help us keep it fun for his younger brothers. He ate it up and enjoyed that Christmas even more. He wanted to see how the magic happened but we never let him and he was glad that we kept it iffy for him.

A couple years later Santa came to our house on Christmas Eve (they were getting Atari games at grandmas and needed to receive the system from Santa first). After he left that son said "I knew it!" He was sceptical but...

PS: We all still believe.

crystalscookingnow

I would be angry. VERY VERY angry.

The polar express comes to mind. Maybe you could watch that again with Micah to help restore some of the damage done?

raebates

One of my favorite books is The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn. It's an amazing book that starts with the life of Nicholas, Bishop of Myra. It's told in first-person. It explains why and how Nicholas began giving gifts, the magic that has helped him to live all this time, and a lot of other things. It includes a walk through the history of the celebration of Christ's birth from the fourth century to today. It answers a lot of common questions. It keeps the magic and spirit of Santa alive while never veering from the fact that the most important thing about Christmas is Jesus.

At one point when our son was in Jr. High I read aloud a chapter a night during the Christmas season. For anyone who loves God and also loves the fun of Santa, I highly recommend this book.

The book is part of a trilogy that includes How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas (a story surrounding the outlawing and subsequent reclamation of Christmas in England in the 1600s) and The Great Santa Search (a fun tale about how Santa became an unwitting and unwilling shill for just about every product out there, wrapped around a reality show extravaganza).

ChefBeckyD

Thanks Everyone.

Addressing it with my passive/aggressive MIL is another story. Last night, when she said it again (In Front of ME!) I turned to Micah and said "well, Santa comes to our house, and we believe in Santa!"...and MIL quickly changed the subject.

Rae - Micah is doing okay. He mentioned it one more time last night, and seemed to be satisfied with my explanation.

Beth - My Mom did Stockings and Baskets for us until we were into our 30's. Gheesh, she did a stocking for me until after I got married...and the first couple of years, she did one - until she could teach DH how to do one for me. (since he'd never had one, or filled one before that). He now collabarates with Micah on one for me. Santa fills Micah's stocking, and we've told Micah we still do our own stockings, because we missed the ones from Santa! (because Santa only brings gifts for children).

We have the Polar Express DVD, and will be watching several times. We also have the Polar Express book (beautiful illustrations) and a book on the History and tradition of Santa. I will be immersing him in all of the fun and wonder of Christmas, so that Grandma's boring, joyless version of Christmas has no impact on him!

NooraK

I'm glad to hear Micah's doing OK. DH's ex did that to their son when he was about five or six. This from a woman who keeps insisting that we can't make huge changes in his routines and such because of his Asperger's. Right. Well, DH had a talk with him about how Santa lives in the spirit of Christmas, and it's ok to believe if he wants to.

I hope you are able to come to at least some kind of an understanding with your MIL so that this doesn't happen again with something else.

dannyzmom

Oh. My. God.
I would be SO pissed.
OMG OMG OMG
I am beyond words (at least words that are appropriate here)

ChefBeckyD

I'm going to get these, Rae - they sound wonderful! Micah is very bright and sometimes too logical, but he also loves imagination, and fun, and I think that just for balance in his life, we need to explore imagination and wonder and keep them in our lives, and these sound like a great way to help do that!

Is the Autobiography of Santa the first in the series?

BethCooks4U

I love this! No one ever makes me a stocking or basket. I always made one for DH & me I guess so the kids didn't wonder why I didn't get one too. My mother stopped them when we became teens. It would have been nice if DH would have thought of that! ...but then he does randomly bring me flowers.